A Generational Disconnect?

Over the past couple of years, I've had a bunch of parishioners die. That's the reality in an aging congregation. We've had "the new prayerbook" for 30 years now and, for the most part, people "get" the theological and practice shifts that are embodied in it. Sure, there are folks who choose to kneel during the post-Sanctus, and there probably always will be. What I've observed, however, doesn't have anything to do with rubrics per se.

In the past two years, 12 souls have entered new life. For all of them, their deaths were blessings that ended suffering and dysfunction. Of those 10, the surviving relatives who knew of their loved one's commitment to the parish didn't bother to contact the parish and didn't bury them from any church.

The "Concerning the Service" notes on page 268 say that "Baptized Christians are properly buried from the church." There is more to it, but this is actually enough.

What I don't get is the children/nephews/nieces not contacting the parish. In these cases, they were raised in this parish and know that their mom/dad/aunt/uncle had a particular fondness for the place.

Now, I've done enough funerals that I'm really not looking to add to my coup stick, so that's not my motivation for bringing this up. (I have done more than twice as many funerals as baptisms and marriages combined.) Our Burial Offices are some of the best liturgical and theological rites around. They get it right, it's not too much, it's not too little. They make it very clear that 1) funerals are Easter Events (thanks to +Hays Rockwell for that one) and 2) that they are for those who remain anchored in this place.

When the church gets left out of the final rites, it seems to me that a few things happen.

1. In the particular instances I know of, the wishes of the parishioner seem to have been ignored. One of mine actually had funeral plans on file.
2. The community that has been a part of the departed's life is robbed of the opportunity to simultaneously say 'goodbye' to their friend and welcome their friend into his/her new life with God. 
3. The church is robbed of its role in caring for its members from baptism to the grave. As pastors, that's what we've signed up for. 
4. I know its minor, but, when the church doesn't know about them, then the parish registers don't get updated. These are always a problem, anyway, but this behavior just exacerbates an already out-of-control situation.

I think its the first in the list that bothers me the most. Whether there was no conversation about what was to happen or whether the family chose to ignore those wishes, I don't know. Perhaps it is because the survivors aren't attending church anymore, perhaps that's why they don't seem to understand that their relative's parish was really important to them.

I can't say what the problem really is, nor can I offer a solution. My only suggestion is that individually, each of us makes sure that our relatives know what is to happen to us. Of course, saying this in this forum won't help most of my parishioners because they don't do email much less read the rantings of their parish priest.